Told in Silence
Apr. 18th, 2010 04:52 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
shosenI didn't lie, exactly. I dissembled. Abandoned one father's name and claimed the other's, put just enough lilt to the first that it almost wasn't my name at all.
Just enough for it to seem like a coincidence.
He never asked. After all, I was "the elf", so why would he? I never had to lie outright, and if I ever slipped up, he didn't seem to notice. I think perhaps he stopped listening when I introduced myself.
I don't know why I did it. Maybe because we are so different now, both our different shades of broken, that it just seemed easier. But nothing is what it seems. I should know better by now.
We don't go back to the cave and the dragon-elf who would see us back to our time. Instead, we walk back to the keep, and keep going. He doesn't say anything, and I don't know what to say, how to explain. That's been the problem all along.
When we reach Thoradin's Wall, the large gate is closed. He doesn't seem to know where to go, just looks around as he finally says something. "Yah never came out. I waited fer yah tah come... say good-bye."
Thinking about that time makes everything hurt all over again. It never really went away, even when it was hidden from me. The explanations get all tangled up, and in the end I settle for the simplest part of the answer. "They thought it best that I wait for my friends to return. The dwarves with the odd dialect."
He snorts at that. "Couldn'. They broke the charm as soon as we were out again. Before they left me."
"I tried to find you, after... everything. When I could ask. But they said you died."
"Did." He looks at his hands, but they're hidden by illusion. We're not ourselves here. Maybe that's why we're able to talk at all. "Why didn' yah say somethin'?"
There it is again. The question I've been asking myself since we met in the Tundra. I still don't have the answer, but I give him the closest I've come to one. "I was afraid."
He nods. I can't tell if he's accepting it, or letting me off the hook. His wandering gaze finally settles on a point. "I'm goin' home."
"We might be safe to ride the raptors back, if we're quick and stay off the ro--"
"No." He says the next part in his troll tongue. I don't know if he means for me to understand, but I do. "My true home."
"Then let's go." Impulse decision, not my strong suit, but I'm not losing him again. "Let's just run."
Whether he wanted to go alone or not, he doesn't tell me I can't join him, just considers it. "They'll come lookin'."
"Maybe. Maybe they'll just think we're dead, didn't make it out of the keep. We might as well try. As long as we're careful, why shouldn't we?"
He smiles, odd to see his own smile on a face without tusks, and we step off the road together. It may not work, may not be allowed, but I don' t care if trying is hopeless.
All I've ever wanted was to be home again.
Just enough for it to seem like a coincidence.
He never asked. After all, I was "the elf", so why would he? I never had to lie outright, and if I ever slipped up, he didn't seem to notice. I think perhaps he stopped listening when I introduced myself.
I don't know why I did it. Maybe because we are so different now, both our different shades of broken, that it just seemed easier. But nothing is what it seems. I should know better by now.
We don't go back to the cave and the dragon-elf who would see us back to our time. Instead, we walk back to the keep, and keep going. He doesn't say anything, and I don't know what to say, how to explain. That's been the problem all along.
When we reach Thoradin's Wall, the large gate is closed. He doesn't seem to know where to go, just looks around as he finally says something. "Yah never came out. I waited fer yah tah come... say good-bye."
Thinking about that time makes everything hurt all over again. It never really went away, even when it was hidden from me. The explanations get all tangled up, and in the end I settle for the simplest part of the answer. "They thought it best that I wait for my friends to return. The dwarves with the odd dialect."
He snorts at that. "Couldn'. They broke the charm as soon as we were out again. Before they left me."
"I tried to find you, after... everything. When I could ask. But they said you died."
"Did." He looks at his hands, but they're hidden by illusion. We're not ourselves here. Maybe that's why we're able to talk at all. "Why didn' yah say somethin'?"
There it is again. The question I've been asking myself since we met in the Tundra. I still don't have the answer, but I give him the closest I've come to one. "I was afraid."
He nods. I can't tell if he's accepting it, or letting me off the hook. His wandering gaze finally settles on a point. "I'm goin' home."
"We might be safe to ride the raptors back, if we're quick and stay off the ro--"
"No." He says the next part in his troll tongue. I don't know if he means for me to understand, but I do. "My true home."
"Then let's go." Impulse decision, not my strong suit, but I'm not losing him again. "Let's just run."
Whether he wanted to go alone or not, he doesn't tell me I can't join him, just considers it. "They'll come lookin'."
"Maybe. Maybe they'll just think we're dead, didn't make it out of the keep. We might as well try. As long as we're careful, why shouldn't we?"
He smiles, odd to see his own smile on a face without tusks, and we step off the road together. It may not work, may not be allowed, but I don' t care if trying is hopeless.
All I've ever wanted was to be home again.