Diary: Page Two
Feb. 27th, 2006 05:03 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
shosenWhen you get right down to it, it’s about survival. If you adapt, you survive; if you don’t you... wind up staring at the bottles on your boss’ table for days on end. Is it possible to be in the middle, doing a bit of both?
The other day, I met a nice young woman in the Magic Quarter of the Undercity. As we talked, I happened to see that she had no eyes, none. And I didn’t so much as blink. I can’t tell if that’s a sign that I’m adapting, or that I’m just numb.
One or the other, and I have to choose, before the choice is taken away from me again. This is what I am now, this is the shell I wear: not wholly bead, but almost, and wholly masculine, wholly alien, and I just have to adapt to it.
Unless I can find a way to change it.
I was telling Sakti about working for Johaan, an arrangement of pure convenience on both sides. Perhaps though, I’ve been neglecting the possibilities. He’s a quack, pure and simple, though not yet as far gone as Keever, but his name provides me some small measure of access. More than I would normally have, not being a member of the Society. In exploring a New Plague, surely they’re also researching the old one. I have very little faith that I’ll encounter anything to explain my... condition? Whatever. But I won’t know if I don’t try. I can’t keep going on as I have.
I just hope I have the strength left to change.
The other day, I met a nice young woman in the Magic Quarter of the Undercity. As we talked, I happened to see that she had no eyes, none. And I didn’t so much as blink. I can’t tell if that’s a sign that I’m adapting, or that I’m just numb.
One or the other, and I have to choose, before the choice is taken away from me again. This is what I am now, this is the shell I wear: not wholly bead, but almost, and wholly masculine, wholly alien, and I just have to adapt to it.
Unless I can find a way to change it.
I was telling Sakti about working for Johaan, an arrangement of pure convenience on both sides. Perhaps though, I’ve been neglecting the possibilities. He’s a quack, pure and simple, though not yet as far gone as Keever, but his name provides me some small measure of access. More than I would normally have, not being a member of the Society. In exploring a New Plague, surely they’re also researching the old one. I have very little faith that I’ll encounter anything to explain my... condition? Whatever. But I won’t know if I don’t try. I can’t keep going on as I have.
I just hope I have the strength left to change.
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on 2007-01-18 01:55 am (UTC)sakti on Mon, 2006/02/27 - 5:09pm.
((Is he really crazy?! Johaan, that is.))
Borel on Tue, 2006/02/28 - 1:40am.
((Good! Stay away from those crazy bastards! Nothing but trouble comes from working with them. :) ))