Even More Than Pain

[shosen]

She thought it was like being in a box.

I think it’s more like drowning. When the water closes in, fills your ears and eyes and filters your sight, buffers your touch in cold. And stops your breath.

She asked if it was worse now. How am I supposed to answer that when she’s already so guilty? I lied. Of course it’s worse, how could it not be?

It was all chaos. Touch, sight, taste, smell, sound, all so much, too much sometimes, especially in crowds. Easy to lost myself in them, let it all blow past like a storm. Harder to try and sort it out, pay attention what was going on around me.

And restless. Little pinpricks of energy that made me want to be up and moving, especially when I couldn’t find her and was so worried. Made me walk back and forth to Orgimmar all night.

Restless. Wanting to chase down sights and smells caught on the edges. Wanting to hunt.

She’s stronger. Even recovering from her illness. I feel weak again, muted.

Except for the Nether, which is screaming. That’s where my strength is now. And, for the first time, it scares me.

I don’t know what to do.