Diary: Page One

[shosen]

I think I’m jealous of her enthusiasm. No matter what she’s doing, Sakti approaches it with an energy and excited that I just can’t match. She can be downing a drink, striking an enemy, or dancing on a fence post in a circle of light and flower petals, and it’s all good, because she’s enjoying herself; she’s happy.

And that’s what’s wrong with me. I’m not, and I haven’t been since the night I ran away. Choice, so much always comes back to choices, in one way or another. That one choice determined the rest of my life. If I ‘d stayed, I would have been married, perhaps had children. By now, I might’ve been a refugee in Stormwind, might’ve been dead, but I wouldn’t be... this.

Can’t even think it. I told Sakti I didn’t want to, but the reality is that I can’t. I’m not ready. I need it to sit in the background, present but unacknowledged outside of the pain caused by random comments.

I shouldn’t have been so touchy. It isn’t right to cause her to worry about which topics of conversation are “safe.” I just...

One choice, based on vapid, foolish fantasies. Was that mistake really serious enough to put me through this?

Comments

[koani-asharan.livejournal.com]

Archived from RealmPortal

Satyra on Sat, 2006/02/25 - 5:24am.
((Interesting! I saw the two of you talking at the Zhevra the other night, looked like you have quite the rapport going. ^^))

Koani on Sat, 2006/02/25 - 9:49am.
(( We're getting a lot better. The last time we talked we kinda sat there and stared at each other *lol* I saw you there and wanted to go say hi, but never got a chance. Hopefully next time ^_^ ))

sakti on Mon, 2006/02/27 - 3:43am.
((Er... I'm not even good at small talk in real LIFE. XD))

Koani on Mon, 2006/02/27 - 4:07pm.
(( Neither am I; I even started a forum thread to ask for help >_<

But hey, practice makes perfect, right? ))