Diary: Page Twenty-nine
Aug. 1st, 2006 02:55 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
shosenWhat did we do?
I forgot, how hard it was at first. Maybe didn’t want to remember; I’m too close to that edge. And Tabaqui, she has friends and family, which should make it better but also makes it so much worse. I knew this would be hard, would be hurting her. I just didn’t realise how much.
Thank you, Olm.
She was willing to stay like this. Thought it was selfish, to want her own body back. How could it have been so hard to show her that she doesn’t deserve it? Oh Tabi, I’m so sorry.
She refuses to let me take my share of the blame, but I own some of it. I should have tried harder, stopped her, admitted to both of us that it wasn’t what I wanted.
But just the possibility, and the thought that maybe my own body is out there somewhere… I gave in, and I shouldn’t have.
I never should have told her that. I just made everything worse.
And Sakti, I can’t feel her. Shouldn’t have said anything about that either. Zue’laji said my connection is broken, and he’s right. There’s a bit, just a muted whisper when everything else is screaming, and it’s not strong enough. It’s not enough to tell that there’s a soul in that fragile crystal. I shouldn’t have said anything, but I needed to know if she could sense it.
Because I can still see it. Different from the brightness when I look at Tabaqui or demons, but an aura that surrounds her, me. I didn’t realise just how much of this was tied to the physical. Didn’t know that I’d still be able to see it, reaching out to where I’m hiding here.
We can’t stay like this. We need to fix it, and soon. Or neither of us will survive it.
I forgot, how hard it was at first. Maybe didn’t want to remember; I’m too close to that edge. And Tabaqui, she has friends and family, which should make it better but also makes it so much worse. I knew this would be hard, would be hurting her. I just didn’t realise how much.
Thank you, Olm.
She was willing to stay like this. Thought it was selfish, to want her own body back. How could it have been so hard to show her that she doesn’t deserve it? Oh Tabi, I’m so sorry.
She refuses to let me take my share of the blame, but I own some of it. I should have tried harder, stopped her, admitted to both of us that it wasn’t what I wanted.
But just the possibility, and the thought that maybe my own body is out there somewhere… I gave in, and I shouldn’t have.
I never should have told her that. I just made everything worse.
And Sakti, I can’t feel her. Shouldn’t have said anything about that either. Zue’laji said my connection is broken, and he’s right. There’s a bit, just a muted whisper when everything else is screaming, and it’s not strong enough. It’s not enough to tell that there’s a soul in that fragile crystal. I shouldn’t have said anything, but I needed to know if she could sense it.
Because I can still see it. Different from the brightness when I look at Tabaqui or demons, but an aura that surrounds her, me. I didn’t realise just how much of this was tied to the physical. Didn’t know that I’d still be able to see it, reaching out to where I’m hiding here.
We can’t stay like this. We need to fix it, and soon. Or neither of us will survive it.