Diary: Page Thirty-one
Aug. 21st, 2006 01:21 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
shosenI’ve been staring at this book again, without knowing what to write or where to start.
Undel is no longer interested in dating me, which is good. Whatever crush she had at least gives room for friendship. I didn’t really expect that when all of this started, and certainly not when it fell apart, so I’m glad.
I think Tabaqui has forgiven me for needing to have that conversation alone, and apparently brushing her off to do it. These things, I’m just not very good at them. Every time I turn around, I’m making a mistake and someone’s getting hurt. And I don’t know how to… She said I don’t owe her anything, but even if she wasn’t my friend and sister, I would. More than I can express, I suppose.
I tried to talk to Shivae about the mind control problem, but I didn’t do a very good job of it, either. She doesn’t think being controlled is a sign of a weak mind, which is good, at least. I just, I can’t explain how important maintaining control is to me, or what happens when I lose it.
Though, I’m starting to wonder if what control I have is actually an illusion. I keep telling myself that I’m stepping back, but I’m still going to ask Gaark to help me capture a Dreadsteed. And I still need to ask him about the Doomguards…
Undel is no longer interested in dating me, which is good. Whatever crush she had at least gives room for friendship. I didn’t really expect that when all of this started, and certainly not when it fell apart, so I’m glad.
I think Tabaqui has forgiven me for needing to have that conversation alone, and apparently brushing her off to do it. These things, I’m just not very good at them. Every time I turn around, I’m making a mistake and someone’s getting hurt. And I don’t know how to… She said I don’t owe her anything, but even if she wasn’t my friend and sister, I would. More than I can express, I suppose.
I tried to talk to Shivae about the mind control problem, but I didn’t do a very good job of it, either. She doesn’t think being controlled is a sign of a weak mind, which is good, at least. I just, I can’t explain how important maintaining control is to me, or what happens when I lose it.
Though, I’m starting to wonder if what control I have is actually an illusion. I keep telling myself that I’m stepping back, but I’m still going to ask Gaark to help me capture a Dreadsteed. And I still need to ask him about the Doomguards…