Feel It Turn
Mar. 12th, 2007 06:37 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
shosenI knew he loved me. I'm not quite oblivious enough to have missed that. I just thought that nothing could come of it, nothing more than we already shared, anyway. It was impossible before, I couldn't have--
Nothing's the same anymore.
When he asked, I didn't know what to say. I'm a hypocrite in many ways, but only when they hurt myself. I walked away from Nenuial when she knew she didn't love Uzil, because she knew and was with him anyway. I couldn't give Tukk the answer I wished I could without doing the same thing I disliked her so much for doing.
I can see that I could love him the way that he wants; I could give him that answer at least. I tried to explain the rest, but I'm just not good at that sort of thing. Really, what explanation could I give to make that answer any easier for him?
He's so young, whatever jokes he makes about his old appearance. Even just counting my human life, I'm probably as old as his mother, if not more. If you add the elf into the equation, well...
And I've been in love before.
It was both harder and easier when those memories were kept from me. But in being broken I've also been made whole, in that way at least. How many years have gone by? It doesn't matter though, because it's always felt like yesterday to my shattered heart and shredded soul.
That's all I have to offer to love him with: a ruin as crumbled and disillusioned as Stromgarde, and just as guarded. Whatever I might want, I've locked my heart away for so long that I'm not certain I'm able to find the key.
And as I told Uzil, I'm scared.
I don't know. I don't know myself anymore. I'm lost here, most of my friends and family are through the portal, my mother's liekly to disown me, my brother probably thinks I'm crazy, I'm causing problems for Uzil, and his friends tolerate me well enough but I don't fit.
Unnatural. Broken.
Lost.
Nothing's the same anymore.
When he asked, I didn't know what to say. I'm a hypocrite in many ways, but only when they hurt myself. I walked away from Nenuial when she knew she didn't love Uzil, because she knew and was with him anyway. I couldn't give Tukk the answer I wished I could without doing the same thing I disliked her so much for doing.
I can see that I could love him the way that he wants; I could give him that answer at least. I tried to explain the rest, but I'm just not good at that sort of thing. Really, what explanation could I give to make that answer any easier for him?
He's so young, whatever jokes he makes about his old appearance. Even just counting my human life, I'm probably as old as his mother, if not more. If you add the elf into the equation, well...
And I've been in love before.
It was both harder and easier when those memories were kept from me. But in being broken I've also been made whole, in that way at least. How many years have gone by? It doesn't matter though, because it's always felt like yesterday to my shattered heart and shredded soul.
That's all I have to offer to love him with: a ruin as crumbled and disillusioned as Stromgarde, and just as guarded. Whatever I might want, I've locked my heart away for so long that I'm not certain I'm able to find the key.
And as I told Uzil, I'm scared.
I don't know. I don't know myself anymore. I'm lost here, most of my friends and family are through the portal, my mother's liekly to disown me, my brother probably thinks I'm crazy, I'm causing problems for Uzil, and his friends tolerate me well enough but I don't fit.
Unnatural. Broken.
Lost.