Snapped Asunder
Apr. 20th, 2007 02:20 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
shosenWe broke.
I can understand her not believing me. I never allowed myself to be taken in by her mask of blameless innocence. I saw the thoughtless pain she caused, and I set myself in an antagonistic position against it. My dislike was not hidden, so I can understand that she would distrust my views.
I can understand her not believing Uzil. He is volatile, his opinions shift and sway with the anger and fears of the moment, not the larger view. He was so in love with her, so worried about losing her, that he took it all, stood firm until the threat was implied, and then allowed her to place all the blame upon him. He allowed her manipulations for so long, reinforcing her charade, so I understand that she would select the opinions her held that suit her own, and disregard all others.
I cannot understand her not believing Leiral. They called each other sister. Leiral has stood by her, endured and observed all the injuries she cause believing that we could reach the good in her. The negligent abuse becomes too much, and Leiral speaks against it. She has nothing to gain and everything to lose, and still the cries of pain are ignored.
She takes Sylarne's one voice of enabling reassurance over out three pleading to be treated well. His is the easier message, I suppose, the one that falls inline with her own limited perspective. But I kept hoping that she would hear at least one of us, that she would see what she's doing to us.
Nenuial acts as a child who pokes a sleeping dog with a stick, and then is angered and bewildered when she is bitten by the object of her torment. She cries to all that she has done nothing wrong, still with the stick in her hands. I cannot say that I am not relieved she has taken that stick and left with it.
But I have regrets. I regret that after all this time I can still say that I do not know Sylarne. I regret that Nenuial has left in a manner that seems to have burned the bridges behind her. I regret that I chose an obviously antagonistic method to protect myself and my friends. I regret that it was Leiral who made that last, desperate, plea for her to stop and see beyond herself.
Sylarne told us once that his advice to Nenuial had been to wait and be patient, to let the other parties see the error. What he did not seem to realise, was that advice is only a solution when the waiting isn't being done by the one whose actions need to change.
We've been waiting, and when we realised we would have to wait forever, we attempted to force the change. And instead, she cannot acknowledge or accept her part in this, and we broke.
So here we part ways. We'll pick up the pieces, use them to create a mosaic. We'll nurse our wounds and try to mend broken hearts. We'll mourn what could have been and move on to what will be.
We cannot exists in forced stasis and pain.
I can understand her not believing me. I never allowed myself to be taken in by her mask of blameless innocence. I saw the thoughtless pain she caused, and I set myself in an antagonistic position against it. My dislike was not hidden, so I can understand that she would distrust my views.
I can understand her not believing Uzil. He is volatile, his opinions shift and sway with the anger and fears of the moment, not the larger view. He was so in love with her, so worried about losing her, that he took it all, stood firm until the threat was implied, and then allowed her to place all the blame upon him. He allowed her manipulations for so long, reinforcing her charade, so I understand that she would select the opinions her held that suit her own, and disregard all others.
I cannot understand her not believing Leiral. They called each other sister. Leiral has stood by her, endured and observed all the injuries she cause believing that we could reach the good in her. The negligent abuse becomes too much, and Leiral speaks against it. She has nothing to gain and everything to lose, and still the cries of pain are ignored.
She takes Sylarne's one voice of enabling reassurance over out three pleading to be treated well. His is the easier message, I suppose, the one that falls inline with her own limited perspective. But I kept hoping that she would hear at least one of us, that she would see what she's doing to us.
Nenuial acts as a child who pokes a sleeping dog with a stick, and then is angered and bewildered when she is bitten by the object of her torment. She cries to all that she has done nothing wrong, still with the stick in her hands. I cannot say that I am not relieved she has taken that stick and left with it.
But I have regrets. I regret that after all this time I can still say that I do not know Sylarne. I regret that Nenuial has left in a manner that seems to have burned the bridges behind her. I regret that I chose an obviously antagonistic method to protect myself and my friends. I regret that it was Leiral who made that last, desperate, plea for her to stop and see beyond herself.
Sylarne told us once that his advice to Nenuial had been to wait and be patient, to let the other parties see the error. What he did not seem to realise, was that advice is only a solution when the waiting isn't being done by the one whose actions need to change.
We've been waiting, and when we realised we would have to wait forever, we attempted to force the change. And instead, she cannot acknowledge or accept her part in this, and we broke.
So here we part ways. We'll pick up the pieces, use them to create a mosaic. We'll nurse our wounds and try to mend broken hearts. We'll mourn what could have been and move on to what will be.
We cannot exists in forced stasis and pain.