![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
shosenLast night I met a paladin who said he had once been considered a great hero, but was now forgotten by everyone. He helped to free a trapped spirit, and decided that he could become a hero once again. I think he’ll be able to do it, too. He seems to have the required motivation, and the inability to refuse to help, even when considering himself an ex-hero.
Personally, I find “hero” to be an odd concept. For example, I’m not one, but I have been called one by people I’ve helped. Maybe to them, I am. I wonder how many of my heroes would consider themselves one?
Gaark didn’t, not even when so many people showed up to walk him home. Not until the end. I sometimes wonder if it would have been better for him to have realised it before then, but I don’t think it really would have. It seems like such a pleasant surprise, something wonderful given to him right before saying goodbye.
I’m not sure I’d like to be the type of hero Typhron seems to be seeking to be, with his name well-known and his deeds in song, or something. I wouldn’t mind being a hero like Gaark, though, but I think that type is rare. I don’t think I fit the bill.
The Light still eludes me. Anastascia used to say that it never abandoned anyone, that we impair our own connections with it, but I can’t seem to fix mine. Oh, it will answer my call, strike or heal when I ask it to, but it’s so weak. I’ve spent so much time watching and learning from those in who it is so strong, that I can’t help but feel I’m failing. Juliard, Anastascia, when they call on the Light, they shine. Me, I can barely glow.
I don’t think I’m really meant for the Light.
Typhron asked me last night if I had a problem with killing the naga. I really didn’t understand what he meant at first. I’d been sighing because they seem to find me scarier than the guy in all the armour who was beating on them. I guess he misinterpreted it.
The other night in the bar, I made some comment about melting faces or shooting things with arrows, and the strange troll said I sounded violent. I don’t think I am, especially not when I’m sitting next to Hakkajin, but I can’t really claim to be a pacifist, can I? Because it doesn’t bother me. It hasn’t for a very long time, or never, depending on the me you were talking to.
My strength has always been in suffering, causing it in others or using my own. No wonder my Light is weak. What kind of healer would that make me?
I thought maybe I was finding my way. The shadows, they pushed my pain to the surface, kept me safe, used it up. There’s no more left, and now, nothing to cause me anymore. I’ve been trying to keep going, but it’s not the same without their protection.
There was this curmudgeon of a priest the other night, when I showed up after Phials had closed. His shadows felt of hate, and it made me think that it would do Hakkajin a world of good to get hers outside like that, use it up the way I had mine. But as she pointed out, that ability only comes with training as a priest.
The pilgrims in Thrallmar talk about the Outlands like they’re a world where mana floats thick enough in the air that you can just reach out and take it.
I don’t know about mana, but pain certainly surrounds everything out there. I started to wonder, if maybe I couldn’t just reach out and take that, instead.
We’re trained to see through the eyes of others, to even overwhelm their will, if we want, so why not this? I know I can’t be intrusive, that I have to be responsible with it. After all, much as I think Hakkajin could do without it, she wouldn’t be exactly thankful if her hate got used up on her. She seems to think she needs it.
But there’s other places, where there’s so much pain or despair or loss. Maybe I can help take some of that burden. Healing can’t just be about a flash of light and mending flesh. Not everything is as easy to fix as that.
Personally, I find “hero” to be an odd concept. For example, I’m not one, but I have been called one by people I’ve helped. Maybe to them, I am. I wonder how many of my heroes would consider themselves one?
Gaark didn’t, not even when so many people showed up to walk him home. Not until the end. I sometimes wonder if it would have been better for him to have realised it before then, but I don’t think it really would have. It seems like such a pleasant surprise, something wonderful given to him right before saying goodbye.
I’m not sure I’d like to be the type of hero Typhron seems to be seeking to be, with his name well-known and his deeds in song, or something. I wouldn’t mind being a hero like Gaark, though, but I think that type is rare. I don’t think I fit the bill.
The Light still eludes me. Anastascia used to say that it never abandoned anyone, that we impair our own connections with it, but I can’t seem to fix mine. Oh, it will answer my call, strike or heal when I ask it to, but it’s so weak. I’ve spent so much time watching and learning from those in who it is so strong, that I can’t help but feel I’m failing. Juliard, Anastascia, when they call on the Light, they shine. Me, I can barely glow.
I don’t think I’m really meant for the Light.
Typhron asked me last night if I had a problem with killing the naga. I really didn’t understand what he meant at first. I’d been sighing because they seem to find me scarier than the guy in all the armour who was beating on them. I guess he misinterpreted it.
The other night in the bar, I made some comment about melting faces or shooting things with arrows, and the strange troll said I sounded violent. I don’t think I am, especially not when I’m sitting next to Hakkajin, but I can’t really claim to be a pacifist, can I? Because it doesn’t bother me. It hasn’t for a very long time, or never, depending on the me you were talking to.
My strength has always been in suffering, causing it in others or using my own. No wonder my Light is weak. What kind of healer would that make me?
I thought maybe I was finding my way. The shadows, they pushed my pain to the surface, kept me safe, used it up. There’s no more left, and now, nothing to cause me anymore. I’ve been trying to keep going, but it’s not the same without their protection.
There was this curmudgeon of a priest the other night, when I showed up after Phials had closed. His shadows felt of hate, and it made me think that it would do Hakkajin a world of good to get hers outside like that, use it up the way I had mine. But as she pointed out, that ability only comes with training as a priest.
The pilgrims in Thrallmar talk about the Outlands like they’re a world where mana floats thick enough in the air that you can just reach out and take it.
I don’t know about mana, but pain certainly surrounds everything out there. I started to wonder, if maybe I couldn’t just reach out and take that, instead.
We’re trained to see through the eyes of others, to even overwhelm their will, if we want, so why not this? I know I can’t be intrusive, that I have to be responsible with it. After all, much as I think Hakkajin could do without it, she wouldn’t be exactly thankful if her hate got used up on her. She seems to think she needs it.
But there’s other places, where there’s so much pain or despair or loss. Maybe I can help take some of that burden. Healing can’t just be about a flash of light and mending flesh. Not everything is as easy to fix as that.